Sitting in my lab has become increasingly difficult.
My lab, or more affectionately, “my room in the basement” has quickly turned into a “dark dungeon.” My parents joked about that recently, but it seems to be coming true.
Now, in a way, it’s hard to be anywhere right now. Because everywhere I go, there I am.
I don’t hate myself or anything. I’m just going through some stuff. And I’m going to feel what I feel right now no matter where I am. It’s good to embrace how you feel and not be the judge of it.
But the lab takes the cake in terms of places I don’t particularly want to be right now.
I moved in about three years ago. I didn’t see myself staying here forever. Maybe just until I met someone and got married or started earning six figures. I put my blinders on and got to work.
Well, in that time, I haven’t married and I haven’t built a six-figure business. I’m not even in the same business I was when I first arrived here!
But I have made progress. I’ve seen some great things happen in my life and my career. Some of my biggest victories actually took place in the lab. I don’t think I would even want to go back to who I was before. I’m a new person now, and the container can’t hold me.
That leaves me in limbo for the time being. An excruciating, heartbreaking limbo. The realization that I need to be somewhere else, but can’t move right away. I can only start heading in that direction.
I’m growing. I’m being stretched. I’m becoming the new me. And the container does not hold the new me. The life I was living is now too small for me.
If I hadn’t left home for two weeks, maybe I would not have come to this realization. But I am grateful for it, because maybe I’m being held back by my current location. Maybe moving will open new doors.